Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
