Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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