I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can Purell be used as lube?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
