Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize