youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize