with your own penis?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
