I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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