used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
