Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
