smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
