Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
