I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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