Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize