There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
