Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
