just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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