She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
