my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
