what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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