Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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