I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
