i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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