it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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