it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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