just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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