i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
