i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
