I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
