im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
