i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
