Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
