I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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