She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
