you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
