yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
