when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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