Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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