Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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