Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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