I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Damn victory sex feels great
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
