I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
