Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
