So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
