omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
