He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
