I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
