u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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