Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
