I just saw a hot homeless man
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
