I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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