..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
