My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
