he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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