Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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