You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize