an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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