Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
