my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
