I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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