wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
