I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
