Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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