woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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