Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
