I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
