you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
