So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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