i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
