just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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