Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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