Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize