She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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