I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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