thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
