I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
