Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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