Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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