I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am available for nakedness
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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