Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
