i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
