The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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