clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
