Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
