And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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