Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
