I could make wine with my vomit
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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