xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
