I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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