mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
