I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
