Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
