I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drake has all the answers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
