We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
