just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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