i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize