the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
