Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize