obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
