did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
