We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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