I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
