we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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