My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
