i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
