You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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