there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize