I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
