do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
