you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
